Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Oh god it's open bar.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize