how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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