so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
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once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I will be naked everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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