We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
