Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
