You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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