In the future we'll all be gay
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
