I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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