my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
