if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
