There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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