i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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