oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Drunk is not a location!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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