I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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