My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
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my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
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I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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