Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
