Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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