Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
