dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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