If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
