His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
