I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
