At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
