honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
smell my finger.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i now understand why vodka
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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