My liver just broke up with me...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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