This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
