I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
