puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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