She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Enjoy the penises
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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