no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
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I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
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I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.