I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno