Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.