I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.