Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.