Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.