I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
