My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
