I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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