I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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