you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
