Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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