I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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