I wish you could order shots online.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
