Ketchup is God's man juice
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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