Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
