just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I see more hoeing in ur future
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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