We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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