I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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