im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
