There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
