Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
