You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
