On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I could fuck to npr.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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