Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I stole a fireplace last night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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