I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
