I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
