Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
