Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
