its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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