I'm gonna have a badass scar
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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