If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
