Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
