It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
