If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
