i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I didn't notice because vodka
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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