Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
