Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
