if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
