Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
