Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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