Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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