I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
