I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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