The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
