You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
