is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
