If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
