Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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