he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
