you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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