I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
