she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
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ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
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Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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