Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
