Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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