Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
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shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
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My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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