i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
