Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
