He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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