I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
tell me about the eggs
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