I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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